I have decided to expand on the purpose for this blog, its not just for me to chronicle my weight loss story. It is also a place for me to vent my frustrations and clear my head while I transform myself from the guy I am now to the man I want to become. I will be expressing my feelings about many things from my career goals, my quest to find love, and breaking out of my shell and the rut I keep getting stuck in.
I feel like all of this is connected, stress is a big factor in weight loss, and my intention with creating this blog is to change my life by losing weight. Now I will be expanding on how I will be changing my life in every possible way.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Two Months.
Well its been two months since my last post so I think its time for an update. The last two months have been interesting, just not exactly the kind of interesting I had in mind.
In April I enrolled and completed the Professional Bartending Academy. It was a great experience, I was called "The Ace of the Class" by the instructor and I did really well and had a lot of fun. I have applied at two bars and neither have hired me. I will be unemployed after this friday and I really need to find a new job. The problem is most bars are looking for someone with at least two years experience. That and I have not been trying hard enough to get hired.
May began with my birthday on the 4th. I went to work late after going to the Hotel Jefferson to try and talk to a manager at their bar I had applied to (they weren't open yet, so my trip was a waste) and then I went to dinner with my parents. I had been getting texts and friends on facebook writing me Happy Birthday wishes, and when I got to work my kids all yelled Happy Birthday, which made me feel loved. That was all great, but as usual my birthday wouldn't be complete without disappointment.
I don't like being selfish nor do I want to act like the world revolves around me, but I feel like my "best friends" let me down. Of all the people I consider to be my closest friends, my second family, only my best friend of seven years has done anything for my birthday. Whenever I mention my birthday around some of my friends, they claim they have been planning to take me out and do something "soon". It's been well over a month and nothing has happened. I stopped hanging out with this group of friends for a while, mostly because I felt unappreciated. I don't need anything big or expensive, my favorite birthday gift ever is a simple flashlight with a bat painted on the lens to turn it into a batsignal.
I went to my cousin's high school graduation last night, which was kinda depressing for me. Its been seven years since I graduated from high school, and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. Sitting in the audience to celebrate J.R. Tucker Class of 2010 remembering the last time I was in this building I was graduating from Varina High in the Class of 2003, hearing all the inspirational speeches, made me feel like I had failed myself. In the last seven years I have worked at a movie theater, a bookstore, an amusement park, and a day care center. I dropped out of community college after taking only one class in the time I could have become a doctor, lawyer, or gotten my master's degree.
I'm at a point in my life where EVERYTHING will soon be changing. Some things may not be changing as fast as I would like, I'm still not happy with my life right now, but I am the only one who can change it and make it better.
In April I enrolled and completed the Professional Bartending Academy. It was a great experience, I was called "The Ace of the Class" by the instructor and I did really well and had a lot of fun. I have applied at two bars and neither have hired me. I will be unemployed after this friday and I really need to find a new job. The problem is most bars are looking for someone with at least two years experience. That and I have not been trying hard enough to get hired.
May began with my birthday on the 4th. I went to work late after going to the Hotel Jefferson to try and talk to a manager at their bar I had applied to (they weren't open yet, so my trip was a waste) and then I went to dinner with my parents. I had been getting texts and friends on facebook writing me Happy Birthday wishes, and when I got to work my kids all yelled Happy Birthday, which made me feel loved. That was all great, but as usual my birthday wouldn't be complete without disappointment.
I don't like being selfish nor do I want to act like the world revolves around me, but I feel like my "best friends" let me down. Of all the people I consider to be my closest friends, my second family, only my best friend of seven years has done anything for my birthday. Whenever I mention my birthday around some of my friends, they claim they have been planning to take me out and do something "soon". It's been well over a month and nothing has happened. I stopped hanging out with this group of friends for a while, mostly because I felt unappreciated. I don't need anything big or expensive, my favorite birthday gift ever is a simple flashlight with a bat painted on the lens to turn it into a batsignal.
I went to my cousin's high school graduation last night, which was kinda depressing for me. Its been seven years since I graduated from high school, and I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. Sitting in the audience to celebrate J.R. Tucker Class of 2010 remembering the last time I was in this building I was graduating from Varina High in the Class of 2003, hearing all the inspirational speeches, made me feel like I had failed myself. In the last seven years I have worked at a movie theater, a bookstore, an amusement park, and a day care center. I dropped out of community college after taking only one class in the time I could have become a doctor, lawyer, or gotten my master's degree.
I'm at a point in my life where EVERYTHING will soon be changing. Some things may not be changing as fast as I would like, I'm still not happy with my life right now, but I am the only one who can change it and make it better.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Welcome to Zombieland.
I have been unable to update since I've been trying to outrun Zombies all week. Maybe not actual flesh-eating undead zombies, but mind destroying metaphorical zombies.I was stressed out and feeling pretty negative since I was unable to lose any weight, work has gotten more frustrating than ever before, my family went to New York without me, and I had to come up with about 700 dollars in a week and a half.
Walking has become my favorite weapon. I have walked at least 2 miles almost everyday this past week. As the zombies of stress and negativity start to stumble towards me, I would get on the track and walk until I either felt better or my legs started to hurt. I also created a new game while walking/running on the track.
The game works like this: If there's another person on the track, they are a Zombie. They may not realize they are infected, but that doesn't matter. The goal is to not die, which is my number one rule for life(which has worked pretty good so far). You die if the zombie catches up to you. This works best when there is only one other person on the track, but as it goes with zombies, it is rarely that easy. If you can pass the zombie twice then they are cured, meaning they are no longer infected/not a threat if they catch up with you.
I came up with the game when I was bored and just walking while one elderly lady was the only other occupant of the track at the time. I was doing pretty well, she was speed walking, I was just walking at my regular 3 mile an hour pace until she got within 100 feet away from me when I would pick up the pace to almost a sprint until I felt safe or needed to slow down to catch my breath. I stopped to take a break after about 15 minutes and hid in the "safe room"(the lobby where you enter the track from the stairs). While I was resting for a few minutes another man entered the track. Level 2 had begun.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
BE ...
Not feeling so great right now so don't expect much from this week's post.
I've been in a pretty bad mood all day which is attributed mostly to my lack of progress over the last few weeks. Up 4, down 2, up 1, down 2, up 5, down 3. My weight has been all over the place this past week, but ultimately I'm down one pound from last week's "official" weigh-in. I moved ahead on the process of getting a new job yesterday since I've been more and more frustrated with the one I have now. I have mixed feelings about that decision since I now have get about 700 dollars to pay for the Bartending academy I am now enrolled in.
I went to the gym tonight after taking way too many days off for various excuses. I walked around the track for about an hour just listening to music and thinking about anything and everything. Hopefully I'll get myself out of this funk I'm in and get back to the battle at full strength.
I've been in a pretty bad mood all day which is attributed mostly to my lack of progress over the last few weeks. Up 4, down 2, up 1, down 2, up 5, down 3. My weight has been all over the place this past week, but ultimately I'm down one pound from last week's "official" weigh-in. I moved ahead on the process of getting a new job yesterday since I've been more and more frustrated with the one I have now. I have mixed feelings about that decision since I now have get about 700 dollars to pay for the Bartending academy I am now enrolled in.
I went to the gym tonight after taking way too many days off for various excuses. I walked around the track for about an hour just listening to music and thinking about anything and everything. Hopefully I'll get myself out of this funk I'm in and get back to the battle at full strength.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
BE Determined
Well last week was a complete failure.
I have gained 8 pounds since I started trying to lose weight. I first weighed in at 450 pounds about 3 weeks ago. I gained 6 pounds the first week, lost 2 the second week, gained 4 the third (last week).
I felt completely defeated, once again I was keeping myself from succeeding in another goal. I let myself feel bad about it until I went to bed Monday night after weighing, and the next day I went to war.
I am determined to lose as much weight as healthily possible in the next week. I have a new battle plan that has been working great so far. I weighed myself last night (Tuesday) and I saw a loss of 2 pounds. I felt great, like if I keep trying this hard and stay focused then I can meet my goal.
The new plan of attack is to write down how many calories I eat and stay around 1800 calories per day. Combining that with what I call my "Rage Workout" (working out while pissed off), I think I can do this.
I have gained 8 pounds since I started trying to lose weight. I first weighed in at 450 pounds about 3 weeks ago. I gained 6 pounds the first week, lost 2 the second week, gained 4 the third (last week).
I felt completely defeated, once again I was keeping myself from succeeding in another goal. I let myself feel bad about it until I went to bed Monday night after weighing, and the next day I went to war.
I am determined to lose as much weight as healthily possible in the next week. I have a new battle plan that has been working great so far. I weighed myself last night (Tuesday) and I saw a loss of 2 pounds. I felt great, like if I keep trying this hard and stay focused then I can meet my goal.
The new plan of attack is to write down how many calories I eat and stay around 1800 calories per day. Combining that with what I call my "Rage Workout" (working out while pissed off), I think I can do this.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
BE fearless.
So here I am, 3:36am still awake, bored as hell. So I guess this is the best time to start something big. This blog may not be big to anybody else, but to me its HUGE. This is where I will be charting my weight loss. I've been overweight for basically all my life, I've weighed over 400 pounds since 10th grade in High School. With my 25th birthday rapidly approaching, its time to change. So now is the time to lose the Beast.
Only my closest friends would know this, but the Beast is my favorite character from The X-Men comics/movies/animated series. I related to the X-Men, especially Beast, in many ways due to the way people reacted to them. Beast is a big guy, bigger than anyone else in his school before joining the X-Men, who was picked on, called names, made fun of, and basically treated like a monster by everyone who saw him. That is exactly what I went through all throughout school and my childhood. Unfortunately the X-Men don't really exist for me to join, so I just had to deal with the abuse.
My mission now as the leader of my own one man X-Men is simply to defeat that which has been holding me back. ME. The overweight me that has been afraid to go out and get active for fear that someone might see me and laugh or makes jokes about the way I look.
So here is the beginning of a life changing battle that will destroy a 400+ pound boy who watches life pass him by, and create a healthy man without fear.
Only my closest friends would know this, but the Beast is my favorite character from The X-Men comics/movies/animated series. I related to the X-Men, especially Beast, in many ways due to the way people reacted to them. Beast is a big guy, bigger than anyone else in his school before joining the X-Men, who was picked on, called names, made fun of, and basically treated like a monster by everyone who saw him. That is exactly what I went through all throughout school and my childhood. Unfortunately the X-Men don't really exist for me to join, so I just had to deal with the abuse.
My mission now as the leader of my own one man X-Men is simply to defeat that which has been holding me back. ME. The overweight me that has been afraid to go out and get active for fear that someone might see me and laugh or makes jokes about the way I look.
So here is the beginning of a life changing battle that will destroy a 400+ pound boy who watches life pass him by, and create a healthy man without fear.
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